Harry Potter and the Quizzo Virgin

It’s not often that I get to announcing “Game One! Round One! Question number one …” before realizing that I don’t actually have my questions with me, but that’s what happened this week. Oops. Luckily, the questions did exist, they had been prepared ... they just didn’t get into my European carry-all before I left work. So quick like a bunny I rushed to work and back before most people could finish their first drink. I’d like to say I nonchalantly strolled, but I didn’t. I did some high-energy, white man power-walking with occasional bursts of what can only be called trotting. (And believe me, I know a case of the bursting trots when I see it.)

Now, I’d love to say that I’ve never forgotten to bring the questions before and that it will never happen again, but like an abusive husband from a made-for-Lifetime movie, we all know that that just ain’t so. But you know, every now and again I have to remind you all that I am, in fact, human.

Speaking of humans, Rebecca the Scorebabe was out (again!) are was ably replaced by the original Scorebabe: Joy. She handled all the finer points of the gig which includes juggling the complex tasks of adding, drinking and letting boys flirt with her all at the same time. Unfortunately, technology failed her (and the rest of us) by not allowing any pictures taken that evening to come out. Trust me, it’s not Joy’s fault. I just spent two hours just trying to get the pictures out of the piece of shite. It’s not a happy camera. Luckily, I just happen to have some file photos that will suffice. I'm sure Joy won't mind.

No pictures means we will also not have a visual representation of The Tortellis who beat The Clavins in the second game. Of course, those of us who were there know how they managed to do it: The Tortellis were in fact, half the Clavins. You see the Clavins and their subsidiary players had grow to an obscene size by the end of the first game so they wisely split forces to compete against one another and attempt to take home more prize money. I was hoping they’d weaken each other and allow a new team to slip past them both, but it was not to be. Interestingly, the Tortellis was made up of the female team members who capably edged out their brethren and the rest of the room, easily dispatching Hermione Gets Hog-Warts in the tiebreaker. Congratulations ladies. You have boobs and brains. As if we really care about your boobs...

More fun: Not only did we get Felicity to come out to celebrate her 25th birthday (tasty cake!), but a true Quizzo virgin was in our midst. Some poor, bright kid named Patrick chose to have his 21st birthday at Quizzo. I weep for the state of the youth in our country. A very nice touch occured during the Happy Birthday song being sung though: Felicity and Patrick shared a brief but passionate kiss that was totally spontaneous and heartfelt. It could have led to something even more erotic were it not for the fact that Felicity hadn't inadvertently brought her father, Guilliaume. Or wait, is that the guy she's shacking up with?

GAME ONE (File Photos)

$30 WINNERS Clavins 30

$20 WINNERS Shrimp fried rice and d-con, but hold the MSG 29

$10 WINNERS !ONE! 27

This one time at Hogwarts I stuck my wand up my … 22
Neal sets walk of shame record 24
Vitter’s Madam’s Undergarments 12
Hoff 15
Bungee jump for Jesus? I don’t think so Not this time 10
While the republicans … 15
Republicans 4 Voldemort 22
It’s Felicity’s birthday (spankings to come later) 17
Cho Chang? nah, horse’s wang 16
We thought Neal only prematurely ejaculated when Rebecca was in town 21
Liquid Knowledge 7
Check out my snake bite 17

GAME TWO (Surprise ending of HP and the Deathly Hollows)

$30 WINNERS The Tortelli’s 31

$20 WINNERS Hermione gets Hog-Warts 31

$10 WINNERS Clavinz 29

Brokeback Castle: Ron and Harry 28
Harry Does Paris 17
Harry is Kaiser Soze 20
Alohamorah! Hermione’s not a Virgin 14
Hermione is a Man, Baby! 28
!one! 18
Harry P. Finds God (F@#$!ing Pagan) 25
Terri Schiavo: Unplugged 18
Harry P. Stands Naked in Front of a Horse and is Well Hung 21
Snape Kills Voldemort 23
Harry and Ron Marry 14
Hermione is a Boy 12
Harry Dies from Poop Water 6