Putting the Schmack in Smackdown

Holy crap. Did I lay you people out tonight or what? Maybe it was the Yuengling, but it took me a little longer than usual to figure out that I was kicking everybody's collective ass and not even bothering to take names. I guess the multiple number of teams jokering for two (that's 2!) should have tipped me off. The high score for both games was a paltry 26. Oy vey. How do you people stumble home after a night like that when I have just spanked your chubby asses so damn hard? Sorry about that. Sometimes I just have to be mean about it. Yes, Quizzo should be a challenge, but I don't mean to cripple y'alls.

In deference to all the new faces (who are all you people?! Er, I mean, "Welcome!") I promise next week to ease up on the slap and add a little more tickle to the evening's proceedings.

Oh, and my bad on bringing a camera to the evening but failing to bring its battery. Here it is on the desk in front of me. Sorry. I ironically suck and blow at the same time. Special thanks to the cute brunette to be named later who loaned her soul-stealing photography machine which will later allow me to display the bright, shiny faces of the winning teams. But for now, les scores:

Game One

The Duke's Centennial 26
(As you can see Todd's penis compares to a $30 bar tab coupon quite favorably)











Lowered Expectations 25









Pour-O at the Quiz House 24 (Tiebreak winner)









Help Is One the Way 9 (a young lady playing solo, God bless her)
Team at the Bar 18
Awesome (not) 5
What Are We Doing Inside? It's a Beautiful Day 22
Clavins 20
Chris/Mitch 13
Avandia: Putting the Die in Diabetes 22
No Leo, Predator F***ing won! 21
Winnie the Pooh declare Fatwa on Bees 24
Amnesty for Interns if They Leave Now 21
Dear Jerry Falwell: Touch Yourself! 19 (the exclaimation point makes it funnier!)
Alcoholic Masturbation - We Drink to Feel Good 22
The Other Ben Harper 19
Estonian Cyber Attacks 12
Attorney General Short List 19

GAME TWO (Worst Presidential Debate Question)

Clavins 26 (off the schneid!)









Hillary: One Bag or Two? 22 (Tiebreak winner)









Cut or Uncut? 22
(Their hard work earned each of them almost 91 cents!)










Johnny Depp or Orlando Bloom? 13
How Many Babies Have You Killed? 7
Who Knows a Poor Person? 19
Spit or Swallow? 7
Boxers or Briefs? 16
Team at the Bar 18
Are You a Pitcher or Catcher? 21
How Many Times Have You Kissed Your Mother? 18
Is Billy Salty? 21
So How Many Wives Do You Have? 15
Why are you a Republican? 19
Is that a Roll of Dimes in Your Pocket or Are You Just Glad to See Me? 10
If Deporting a Pregnant Illegal Would Result in Abortion, Should She Stay? 19
Are You Ron Paul 12

Lastly, a hypothetical: What do you do if your friend has had a few and inadvertantly/intentionally pops you in the face ... HARD. Resisting the instinct of fisticuffs you discover that hours and beers later your face hurts and your glasses still aren't sitting on your face right? That's right. Publish a picture of him dressed as Snoopy. It's the only logical revenge. Take that Paul Mangano. You dirty dog.