A Brief History of Scorebabes

Since the dawn of time, man has needed a special, curvy someone to stand next to him and point at things.

From Vanna to Barker's Beauties to Kari freaking Wuhrer on Remote Control, our culture has demanded that dorky game show hosts have someone really hot stand near them and perform menial tasks well beneath their intelligence level (okay, except Carmen Electra on Singled Out, whose total hottiness could not overcome her horrendous co-hosting. It has nothing to do with the fact that she was hired to replace the irreplaceable Jenny McCarthy, she was just so pretty and so very, very, very dumb). Basically, we love soft and pretty, but we really love soft, pretty and smart. I learned this many, many years ago when I started having a corresponding secretary type help me score all the rounds of Quizzo which could help make the game go faster and give me the chance for piss breaks. Originally a silent partner who worked for a free drink or two, the role has developed under Rebecca's watch to a non-silent partner who kills on the mic, is beloved by the crowd and works for a free drink or eight.

Until Rebecca finally succumbed to my ineffable charms and decided to move to DC, I had a variety of wonderful (that's code for curvy) friends and co-workers who helped out: Miss Joy, Sara, Faye... and I've had some awesome subs attempt to fill Becca's shoes when she can't make it: Jackie, Lindsay, Maddy, Ariel, Cherie, Olivia; all have leant their time and skills from time to time. There have also been some intrepid (that's code for curvy and drunk) volunteers from the audience who have abandoned their teams in order to come offer their talents on nights when the scorebabe was unexpectedly engaged elsewhere. And while I'm always appreciative, I usually prefer to send them back to their teams. It's nothing personal, I just don't like them, how they smell or what they're wearing.

So Monday, during the City vs City Trivia Tussle, Rebecca has to work her day job at night. That's right, she will not be there. So I'm faced with the quandry of having potentially a really big crowd, lots of new faces and no kick-ass Scorebabe to help keep them all in line. I confess I haven't exactly been beating the bushes for a replacement. I mean, if I can't have the best Scorebabe of all time on such a big night, what's the point in having some stand-in who'll just be a pale substitute? Plus, I know it's killing her to miss such a big night and I think she'd be a little jealous of someone getting to be there in her place.

So, it's decided. I'm going solo. I've done it before. I'll do it again. It just isn't worth it without Rebecca there. Unless Jenny McCarthy's available. I'm not stupid.