Daddy Plays Rough

I was a stay at home dad for my daughter when she was 2 and 3. We were rough-housers. She loved to wrestle and be thrown around. She used to hold my hands and then walk up my legs and chest, kick off and do a backflip. She was fearless. One ritual she always enjoyed was after a bath when I was toweling her off she liked it when I rolled her up in her towel, held her over the bed and then, with a quick snap, unfurled her into the pillows. It made bath time easier knowing there was to be this fun being thrown around moment at the end. Whee!

One evening, post-bath, I've got my three year-old rolled up in a fluffy Blues Clues terrycloth about to unroll her onto the bed when my wife walks in. "What are you doing?" she asks. "This is what we do," I explain, "She loves it." Charlotte, wide-eyed, eagerly confirms, "It's fun!" Melissa, with a look of doubt in her eye, steps back to see what exactly is so fun about throwing a child across the room. So, I enthusiastically unfurl and you the reader being a smart cookie, must see exactly where this is going.

She hits the bed just like she's supposed to, but the God of Chaos is passing by and decides to have fun. Instead of rolling smoothly right up to the soft pillows by the headboard, her feet stick magically to the bedspread and her body rolls in a perfect arc, like a windshield wiper, sending her little naked body flying off the side of the bed landing head first on the floor where she understandably bursts into tears. Her mom scoops her up to tend to her and I'm standing their impotently with a damp towel sputtering my apologies, my concern for Charlotte, my insistence that it two years this had never happened before and it would never happen again, and it's not my fault and I'd never want to hurt my child and did I mention how sorry I was?

That's kind of how Quizzo was this week. It was supposed to be fun for everyone, just like it always is. But when you look at the scores you'll see that an awful lot of teams rolled off the side of the bed and landed on their heads. Unfortunately, no one that I could see was wet and naked.

But remember, we didn't earn the reputation for being the toughest trivia night in town just because all the other places are easier. Er, wait, maybe we did. Anyway, just letting you know I'm going to make a concerted effort to make you bleed out of your ears just a little bit less for the next few weeks. At least until September 18th. That's my 6 year anniversary running this stupid game and I'm not holding anything back for anybody. Save the date.

GAME ONE

$30 WINNER Clavins 28









$20 WINNER I da ho? No, Craig da Ho 27









$10 WINNER Idaho on the Down Low 27










The Brendas 15
He Must Have Been Watching "You, Me and Dupree" 12
Larry Craig's Wide Stance 18
Screw the Bocce Team 13
Tap Your Foot Twice for Butt Sex, 3 Times for a Big Idaho Russet 26
Wanna Touch Some Famous Potatoes? 24
I'd Kill Myself After "Shanghai Nights" Too. 22
The Team at the Bar 21
Pull Train on Mom 18
My Name is Larry, this is my Lover Daryl 22
The Souvlaki Tastes Burnt 21
Cop Killer by Ice W, 2 Down, a Million to go 20
Sausage Kings of Chicago 25


GAME TWO (Adios Alberto)

$30 WINNER Time to go Fishing Fredo 26 (Tie Break Winner)









$20 WINNER Going! Going! Gonzalez 26 (Tie Break Loser)









$10 WINNER Sorry Alberto, Your Green Card Expired 25









The Team at the Bar 16
Fuckin' Mexicans 20
Sodomy Sundays with W Became Too Much for My Legal Briefs to Take (This is an excellent example of a team that didn't know when to stop naming themselves) 20
Ashcroft's Midnight Raiders 23
Alberto Tapped LC's Wire 17
John Ashcroft Beats Taco Bell 17
Speedy Gonzalez 15
Clavins 22
I Don't Recall That 17
I Can't Recall the Theme 22
Performance was the Issue for the Lame Enchilada 18
Chillin' in Habeus Corpus Christi 23
Sausage Kings of Chicago 19
Craig isn't the Only One Who Got it in the Pooper 15