This Shit Just Got Real

Hey kids, thanks for another oh so crowded night. It's amazing how the number of teams keeps going up and, diametrically opposed to physics and math and stuff, the team sizes are going up too. Something's gotta give soon. Maybe the next time you come to Quizzo you could bring some more space to help make the room larger. Whoa. I think I just blew my mind. Or did I blow your mind?

Yes, it was so crowded we skipped the halftime show. I will endeavor to come up with a way for a halftime show that can work even when we're pushing maximum density. Anyone got a brilliant idea they want to share? I'm all ears. And a baculum.

So the question I wanted to rhapsodize about last night but didn't because, again, way too many people for chatting, was the Chaplin mustache vs. Hitler mustache phenomenon. Two legendary, iconic men from the 20th century, one silly 'stache. Both mustaches obviously are the same in concept except that one grew on a man who brought great joy to the world through comedy and the other grew on a "mass-murdering fuckhead" (E. Izzard). And yet, if you had to describe that facial hair to someone you'd say, "that weird guy at Potbelly's had a Hitler mustache" or "I knew this cute girl who liked to keep a Hitler mustache." Everyone knows what that means. But why isn't it the Chaplin mustache? He was a much nicer guy (pedophilia not withstanding) and, as we learned last night, he was wearing it in the public eye much longer before Adolph did. I wonder if Adolph's co-workers were gathering around the water kooler saying "What's up with Hitler wearing the Chaplin mustache? Does he really think that's going to make people like him? He's still such a tool. Have you seen him try and do the dancing dinner rolls bit? Pathetic." Perhaps it was those kinds of comments behind his back that later drove him to invade Poland? Perhaps not.

BTW, for those of you were weren't there the question was: Who sported the toothbrush mustache (as it was known originally) first, Adloph Hitler or Charlie Chaplin? The answer: Chaplin's first Little Tramp appeared on screen in 1914 and Dolphy didn't get the command from his superior to trim his Prussian 'stache (didn't fit under his WWI gas mask too well) until 1915 and that was still long before he got into the public eye. BTW, funny story, he would later end up in a ditch covered in petrol on fire (again, E. Izzard).

And lastly, I do have to point out that one team boldly went away from the 50/50 nature of the question to posit their own answer, simply "Chapman." This answer was deemed incorrect because in addition to being wrong it was just plain silly.
GAME ONE

FOR A GOOD TIME CALL 32









THERE ARE NO SMALL PARTS, ONLY SMALL NINJAS 30









CLAVINS 29







TEAM AT THE JUKE BOX 28
CAVS IN 07, KUCINICH '08 (CLEVELAND ROCKS) 27
LAST TEAM STANDING 27
HARD TIME DEALT ANOTHER BLOW IN GEORGIA 27
WHEN I GOT A BJ FROM A 15 YEAR OLD ALL I GOT WAS A HIGH FIVE 27
WE SUPPORT PARIS AND OUR TROOPS 26
EDDIE MURPHY RAW IN SCARY'S VAGINA 25
ONE MAN'S TRASH IS ANOTHER MAN'S DAUGHTER 25
YES, INTERN, WE ARE HERE FOR TRIVIA. NO YOU CAN'T HAVE OUR TABLE 25
FAT PEOPLE ARE HARDER TO KIDNAP 24
TEAM TRYING TO GET DRUNK WORLDWIDE 23
BEER FOR PEACE 21
THE PETREES 21
CLIFFORD OBER 20
GOLDEN TEAM 14
BLACK AND BLUE 11
SILLY ALBANIANS 9


GAME TWO (Action Movie Porn)

CLAVINS 33









NATIONAL PLEASURE 2: CAGE DANCING 30









FIRE CROTCH DOWN BELOW 30









BLACK COCKS ON A PLANE 28
LOTS OF BEER FOR PEACE 27
RAMBONE: FIRST BLOODY VAGINA 27
SCHINDLER'S LIST 2: THE SHIKSAS 27 (more like last week's category, yes?)
(BLACK) MEN IN BLACK (MEN) 24
FIVE IN THE HOLE 23
SHAFT 23
IF YOU THINK THIS IS BASIC TRAINING YOU'VE GOT BAD INSTINCTS 22 (A name this long and this unfunny is so sad.)
DIE HARD 12" INCHES OF STEEL 19
ALIEN VS SEXUAL PREDATOR 18
CLIFFORD OBER 18
LETHAL WEAPON 5: COCKED AND LOADED 18
SNAKES ON A PLANE 14
VAJAYJAYS ON THE PROWL 7