Black Tuesday

As usual, the Quizzo of Thanksgiving week was sad and empty. Barely more than a dozen teams and plenty of standing room. I arrived late and still left early. And if you'd been there you could have walked away with a win with fewer than 30 points. Well, granted, we had a lot of tough questions this week that kept the scores low: like what band released the Brown Album in 1997? and in what country do the Tigris and Euphrates originate? and who gave us this line in a 1994 movie: "You know, there's a million fine looking women in the world, dude. But they don't all bring you lasagna at work. Most of 'em just cheat on you?" C'mon people, that's your wheelhouse, how do you miss that?

Anyway, despite the small numbers and the challenging game, it was still a fun time for all. So says I. Now I must go cover and store the corn pudding. (I'm not making this up) Happy Slapsgiving!

GAME ONE

First Place ($30) Can't Wait to Get My Hands on Grandma's Yams 33









Second Place ($20) Elbows Deep Turkey Fisters 31








Third Place ($10) Clavins 28









Truffle Shuffle 21
Cash Crop 8
Milk Duds for Jesus 10
The Rumble Strips 17
Touched by an Uncle 13
Stinky McStink Stink 20
The Flying Monkeys 26
Khmer Rouge? Is that a new lipstick? 17
El Fuego 17
The Turkeys the President Didn't Pardon 14
This Thanksgiving a Different Hokie Bird if Getting Stuffed 27

GAME TWO - The Best Part of Lindsay Lohan's 84 Minutes in Prison

First Place ($30) Bangin' on the Floor 27 (Tiebreak Weiners)










Second Place ($20) Finally Not Being the Skankiest Whore on the Block 27










Third Place ($10) Elbow Deep Turkey Fisting 26








Lohan Blows a She-man 22
Snorting Blow from Herbie's Trunk
Firecrotch Resistant Pantsuit 19
Clavins 25
Trading Beaver Shots for Lines of Coke 19
She Got Herpes the Love Bug 18
Jailpony 14
Filmed 3 Shower Scenes for Caged Heat IV 25
Pooping a Cocaine Condom 22

Don't You Forget About Me

Entertainment Weekly's Top 50 High School Movies: This was the halftime show this week and let's face it, it was a tasty one. Obviously, like all of these kinds of lists created by VH1 and TV Guide and whatnot, it means nothing. A panel of editors or readers or whoever was polled to come up with the list and it's meant to provoke conversations and arguments. What do you mean Sixteen Candles is at #49? How could Varsity Blues not make the list? (As we discussed, it didn't because, um, it sucks).

What's really shocking about the list is not the absence of Footloose or the inclusion of Bye, Bye Birdie (oh please), but it's how many of these films I know intimately and truly adore. There are John Hughes' greatest hits including the aforementioned 16 Candles, Pretty in Pink (#26), FBDO (#10, Leisure Rules!) and, of course, The Breakfast Club (#1) and it would be hard to argue supplanting any of the top ten: Dazed and Confused, Heathers, American Graffiti, Clueless, etc. OK, maybe Boyz in da Hood shouldn't be that high, but even though I wouldn't call it a high school movie per se, it is still a fantastic movie. Too bad John Singleton didn't have another great movie in him...

But I want to throw out some quick shout outs to some other movies, the deeper cuts if you will, that you may not be too familiar with. Please add these to your Netflix queue for the next time you want some perfect coming of age flick to sweep you away to the childhood you never had...

#16: LUCAS Little Corey Haim, little Winona Ryder, hell even little Charlie Sheen are all great, great, great in this movie. I defy anyone to watch this thing and not get a lump in your throat when the jock starts the slow clap at the end as Lucas dons his letterman jacket. Oh, did I give that away? No matter. I know it's always coming and it still always gets me. (BTW, don't search for "Lucas" in Google images with the filter turned off unless you want to see lots of gay porn. Who knew?)

#43 STAND AND DELIVER. To hell with Dead Poets Society (#20, Hah!) and Robin Williams' saccharine coated prep schoolmaster. Give me Edward James Olmos as Jaime Escalante and a bunch of kid actors you've never seen before and will never see again (sorry Lou Diamond Phillips) in this gritty, real, heart-warming true story set in the barrios of South L.A. This one still holds up. Fill the hole.

#45 MY BODYGUARD. Probably a little dated now, but the names of Ricky Linderman (Adam Baldwin), Peachy (Chris Makepeace, where'd that kid go?) and Moody (Matt Dillon-scariest bully ever) still bring me back to being 11 and scared to death/fascinated by kids going to school in a City. Sure didn't look like my school, but I recognized the whole hope-I-don't-get-beat-up-today vibe that permeates the movie. Let's just say it spoke to me. Look for a young, horrifically awkward Joan Cusack.

#46 FLIRTING. You haven't seen this one. That's okay. SEE IT. The box art tries to play up Nicole Kidman and Naomi Watts, who are good of course, but it's all about Noah Taylor and Thandie Newton who are charming and sweet and lovely as teenagers discovering first love and first sex in the repressive atmosphere of an Australian boarding school. Trust me. You will love this movie. Wonderful. Wonderful. Wonderful.

#31/#48 Billy Zabka. OK, maybe Dillon's bully scared me, but Zabka's bullies kick ass. His fine work in The Karate Kid and Just One of the Guys (not to mention Back to School, not eligible for this list) deserves special mention. The guy's a legend. And he directed this music video for a song called "Sweep the Leg" that is sublime in its pop and pop culture deliciousness. Treat yourself. Now. It is so worth the brain calories.


GAME ONE
C'mon Take the Uniform Off - I Just Want to Cuddle 37









Bhutto's in the Home - Where She Belongs! 33 (Tiebreak winners)









The Other Four Limbs 33










Hilary's Campiagn Planted Tonight's Quizzo Questions 14
Predatory Leaders 31
The Whiskey Dicks 24
Balls Deep 28
No Talent ass Clowns 21
Clavins 28
Wu Tang Financial 30
Our Money is on Britney in the Speed Round 30
Benazir in the Bhutto 21
OJ's Alibi 18
Drunk Dorks 23
Trivia? We're Here to Meet Kucinich's Hot Wife 30
Flying Monkeys 27
The Spider Pigs 19
Kanye's Mom is so Ugly... 29



GAME TWO - HIGH SCHOOL THEMED PORN

Back to the Pooper 32










Splendor in the Ass (Schwartz') 31










Pretty Deep in Pink 30










My Bodyguard's Cock 27
Splendor in the Ass 24
Flute my Pussy, Bitch 17
Hairy Twatter 16
Study Hard: Gotta Get Into College Girls 18
Every Porno I Have is About High School Kids 17
Grease 15
Clueless, Ass If 15
Debbie Does Long Division 17
Clavins 27
Kneel and Deliver 24
Fast Times at - oh, sorry babe 23
Fiday Night red Light 26
Penis and Vagina 16
Varsity Blue Balls 21

Catching Up At Last

For the first time in blog history, we will skip an entry. Here's the thing - October 30 is a blur (literally, in the case of the pictures). Beer was consumed. Silly hats were worn. Good times. Enough said.

Eric, who filled in for us last week while Neal was working and I was ailing, has kindly summarized his experience below. Many thanks to Eric and Bettina for keeping things going in our absence. Go Team Fo!

See you kids tonight at the Pour House.

***
It's a long and boring story how I came to host Quizzo, but hey, I've got nothing better to do... Originally, our multi-talented scorebabe Rebecca was on tap to step in for Neal, and our winsome coworker was set to act as replacement scorebabe. It would've been good times. (see Fig. 1, Topless Pillow Fight) Unfortunately for everyone, Rebecca was laid low by illness caught on the frozen steppes of Miami, Florida, and a new Quizzo Master was needed. I was tending my plow on a farm in Tuscany when the Racioppo legation approached bearing the laurel wreath of the Imperator Quizzonis. I would assume command of the campaign against the hordes of Capitol Hill, as long as I returned to my bar stool once it was over. After a moment of stoic contemplation, I accepted with a heavy heart.

Heh. Who am I kidding, I was pumped.

So yeah, there was indeed a vast barbarian horde of trivia-goers, and most of you actually stayed to the end. You have my thanks, because keeping this game moving, while getting everyone's score and team name correct, is a little tough. It also doesn't help when Neal gives me incorrect answers. On purpose. Jerk.

There were an inordinate number of tie scores in this game. I've since lost the tiebreaker results, so I'll trust you guys to remember if you won or not. Thanks everyone, for a pleasant emceeing experience!

I almost forgot to thank my winsome scorebabe for the evening, Bettina, who took the job despite my burgeoning megalomania.

GAME 1:
We Have No Name Because Our Writers Are on Strike - 25
Bettina's Half-Assed Bitches - 24
By the Many Arms of Baby Vishnu! - 17
Lowered Expectations - 30
Britney's Legal Team - 12
The Writer Who Normally Chooses Our Team Name is on Strike - 36 (1st place in Quizzo and awkwardly-phrased team name)
Just the Tip - 25
Peter Nincompoop 2K7 - 9
Tip Your Waiter, You Cheap Bastards - 26
Only Pakistan Needs Democracy - 20
Beancounterz - 24
Tweedledumb and Tweedledumber - 29
Shakespeare is Overrated - 30
Good Guys, Hot Girls, Hotter Bouncers - 29
[Intentionally Left Blank, Writers on Strike] - 30
Our 8-legged Babies - 23
Soul Ponies - 14

GAME 2 (What is Neal doing that's so important instead of hosting Quizzo?)
Scorebabe and Sister - 28
Wondering Why You Wait So Fucking Long Between Rounds - 6 [Bite me - ed.]
Peter Nincompoop 2k7 - 16
Hello, My Name Is... - 11
Lovin' Labia's Lost - 28
Teabagging Avery Brooks - 28
Nailing Scorebabe's Sister - 30 (1st)
Taking in More Seamen than the Naval Yard - 30
Trying to Get a Real Job - 28
Waterboarding the Other Scorebabe - 28
Your Mom - 22
Beancounterz - 21
Fluffing Chuck Norris - 26
Pimping Marlowe to the Idealist for $10 - 24
Better Late than Pregnant - 4

Battle of the Nerds

It may be hard to believe, but sometimes outside groups pay to have Neal and me all to themselves. On October 24, Rensselaer Polytechnic Institute's alumni group hosted a trivia night for RPI and other tech school alums, so we tarted ourselves up and headed over to Gordon Biersch with some of our best extra geeky questions. It was great fun watching a bunch of tech school types have it dawn on them that the answer to the infamous Star Wars question is simply pi. Of course, they felt the need to write it out past the thousandths spot. Nerds!

Seriously though, it was a fun gig. Thanks for having us, guys!

RPI - Larry Craig's Tapdancers 27









Where's the Beer? 27












Gordon Biersch Meet Gordon Ramsay 26









Smarter Than Bush & Better Shot Than Dick 25
Topers 22
Chairman of the Board 19
Nothing Beats Rock 25

Dumbledore's Army - Don't Ask, Don't Tell

October 23, 2007. Fires ravaged California, and the world was still reeling from Dumbledore's outing. Is it me or does this seem way longer ago than two weeks?

GAME ONE

$30 WINNERS - It's Not Genocide If They're Saying No In Your Language 29

$20 WINNERS - Idiots On the Nerd Patrol 27 (tie break winners)









$10 WINNERS - Jen & Eddie Are Hitched! 27 (tie break winner-losers)

Dumble-in-the-back-door 27 (tie break losers)
Wal-mart Security 23
Oppo 20
Clavins 26
Kid Rock Should Have Gone to Chatskis [sic] 25
Bad Parents 11
Pat Robertson Says South Beach Is Next 25
BIRD 16
Forecast Calls for Golden Showers 15
I'm Gone for Three Years, And the Clavins Are Still Here 23
Pinky & the Brains-ah 18
Malibu Fire Department Only Uses Cristal 21
Baby Cheetahs 17
Maliburn Beach 21
Chuck Norris Doesn't Vote for President 20

GAME TWO (next fictional character to be outed)

$30 WINNERS - Jesus 31









$20 WINNERS - Captain Morgan 30 (tie break winners)









$10 WINNERS - The Beloved Prophet Muhammad 30 (tie break losers)









Clavins 26
Winnie-the-Pooh 21
Frodo Baggins 15
Moby Dick in a Box 23
Frodo Baggins: Ring Bearer, Ass Plunger 19
E.T. . . . ouch! 14
Snuffle-suck-agus 21
G.I. Joe (to get out of Iraq) 13
Walker Texas Ranger
Frodo Bags Hims 21
Stuart Not-So Little 22
Dildo Faggins 27
Dick Cheney 8

The best part of October 23 was that my college friends were visiting. We used to play Quizzo at New Deck in Philadelphia back in the day. Good times. Here I am with three Van Dorpes and a Welfer, some of whom have trouble keeping their eyes open.

Long Time Gone

Hi all. Score Babe here, apologizing for the two week break we've taken from the blog. As you likely know, Neal is very busy these days with the opening of the brand spanking new Harman Center for the Arts. Hell, I hardly see him, and we live together. It's exciting stuff, though, and I promise Daddy still loves you.

As for our absence tonight, Neal is off at work again, and I'm home with a mercifully mild flu. In addition to gorging myself on daytime TV (thank you, Lifetime), I finally watched Harold and Maude, which was really charming and funny (sort of like The Graduate with a heart). It made me feel much better about the 8 years separating Neal and me.

I'm going to do my best to catch up the blog tonight, but I'll likely mix up photos and team names. Remember, I'm sick. So be kind.

Stay well, kids!