PSA from Hell

Like a lot of you, I grew up on TV. A lot of what I know at Quizzo I know from watching hours and hours and hours of good, fair and crappy TV. And yes, there's a place in my heart for all of it. And, as we all know, thanks to a government ruling, for stations to keep their licenses there has to be a certain percentage of educational programming every week and to maintain this standard a lot of PSAs are run. Without this government interference with our lives we may never have had PSAs from McGruff the Crime Dog taking a bite outta crime, Woodsy Owl (Give a Hoot! Don't Pollute!), Time for Timer making us a wagon wheel (with nutritious cheese!) or G.I. Joe telling us about fire safety.
The messages were simple: eat healthy, don't litter, cross at the corner, and knowing is half the battle.

When I got older the PSAs took on a less didactic quality and starting tackling weightier issues. We got a fried egg sizzling in a pan and knew that that's what would happen to our brains if we did drugs. The ad was little heavy-handed, but quite effective. We could all probably quote the ad almost verbatim. Of course, years later, to illustrate the effects of heroin a young Rachel Leigh Cook smashed up her whole kitchen with a freaking frying pan. Wait a minute, heroin? A PSA about heroin? Where'd Woodsy Owl go?


Now I'm an adult and I find the PSAs are still aimed squarely at me. The ads that used to be aimed at kids trying to teach them how to be good kids are now aimed at adults trying to teach us how to be good adults. Talk to your kids about drugs, you're the grown-up: you set the limits and your kids will respect you!, make sure your kids get art (such a great spot. Alec Baldwin's narration is delightful, but that kid from Oliver Beene talking in a monotone about his day at school just kills).

But my love of these subtle and not-so-subtle PSAs got a little too up in my grill this weekend as I sat on the couch with my 11 year-old daughter watching football. Yes, we love football. And right in the middle of the Redskins' thrashing of Detroit we get a spot filled with cute kids both older and younger than my daughter looking right in the camera urging moms and dads across the nation to talk to them about ... sex. Talk to us about sex before we have sex so we know more about sex when we have the sex. Please mom and dad, tell us about sex. Blah, blah, blah. Sex, sex, sex. I know the spot was only 30 seconds long but it felt like a year. We sat, frozen, taking in this important message, not daring to acknowledge that it was talking to us about... sex. Dirty, freaky, life-giving, disease-spreading, putting his you-know-what in her you-know-where sex, sex, SEX!

So I did what any courageous, loving father would do. I took a deep breath. I muted the TV. I turned to face her. The slight bemusement drained from her face leaving only stark fear. "Charlotte..." I began, as she opened her mouth in a silent scream of horror, "I understand that throughout your life you may want to discuss certain subjects with certain people, and I know that I will never, ever, ever be the person that you want to discuss sex with ... and I'm okay with that."

She breathed a sigh of relief and laughed, "No problem, Dad."

And then we watched more football. We love football.

$30 WINNERS - Clavins 34









$20 WINNERS - Hasselhoff Can Knight Ride My Face 33









$10 WINNERS - Eddie's Getting Married Saturday, So He Needs the Pitcher Now 32 (tie break winner)









Yankees Suck! 20
Two Asians, An Arab, and An Immigration Office 14
The Blackwater Memo: It's Killer Time 32 (tie break loser)
Poor-o At The Quiz House 25
Tip Your Fucking Server 29
Verno Whitney 24
Bronson Pinchot 20
PETA Stole Britney's Rabbit 23
Team A 20
Dude, Where's Our School Bus? 23
Pull The Fucking Parachute Cord, People 32 (tie break loser)
Isiah Thomas's Sexual Advances! 23
Yankees Can't Handle Ants In Their Pants 22
Joanie Loves Trivia 28
J 20

$30 WINNER - Clavins 33 (tie break winner)










$20 WINNER - She's No Tyson But You Can See Her Box 33 (tie break loser)









$10 WINNER - The Drawbridge Is Rusty But It Still Goes Down 32










Backdoor = No Babies 20
She Did Alien & Predator 25
KY + 88 Is The New 28 22
Your Daddy Got Her For A Dollar 12
She Had More British Troops Pulled Out of Her Than Iraq 29
Mommy, Rebecca Stole My Vibrator 28
The Third & Fourth Most Visited Mountains: On Becca's Sister's Chest 27
She Prefers Spit To Lube 24
Bust A Nut In Her Butt 19
Sister on Sister on Quizzomaster on Alexander Hamilton 16
Nicest! Sister! Ever! 13
Hey You, I Pulled Out . . . Psych 15
Twice the Whips, Twice the Chains, Twice the Fantasies in Neal's Head 23